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Monday, September 9, 2019

Portland, OR: Holy Cow! Does Voodoo Doll Have Something In His Pocket Or Is He Just Happy To See Me?

Voodoo Doughnut
22 SW 3rd Avenue
Portland, OR 97204
Old Town
Phone number (503) 241-4704
Prices: $$$$

If you have never been to Voodoo Doughnut, give 'em a try. The original location is here in downtown Portland (Old Town), but they have shops in Eugene (OR), Denver (CO), Universal Studios Hollywood (CA) and Orlando (FL), as well as Austin (TX).

These photos are from our trip to the original shop in Old Town yesterday. As you can see, their look is quite eclectic, colorful, and retro, the menu a bit pornographic, and THE DONUTS ARE GREAT! 

Most donuts run between 75¢ (plain cake) to $3.25 with a couple in the $5 to $7.50 range. Dozens range from $14 to $18 unless you want to pick your own. They even have vegan doughnuts, although I do not know how many. You can reportedly get a coffin (photo above) full of donuts for $130.

Their menu is a tad on the perverted side, with a Cock-n-Balls going for $6.50, a Triple Chocolate Penetration is $2, a Butterfingering is $2, an Old Dirty Bastard is $3, a Portland Cream (the Official Doughnut of Portland) is $2.25, and /or, finally, a Custom Cock going for $7.50, not a bad deal considering the fact that creating a doughnut that looks like a rooster is probably a very intricate and time consuming process! C'est la vie, after all, their slogan is: "The Magic Is In The Hole".

We got a Bacon and Maple ($3.25), an Apple Fritter ($3), and a Voodoo Doll ($3.50). The bacon and maple was glazed and covered with maple icing with crisscrossed slices of fried bacon on top and it was OK, but the taste was a bit weird and not really my thing. The apple fritter was big and tasty, but it could have been much crispier in my opinion. And, last-but-not-last, the voodoo doll (see above) was also glazed, iced with chocolate, colorfully decorated to look like a perverted gingerbread man complete with a sugary confection erection (see photos). As Harry Carey would have said, "Holy cow!".
Hey, Voodoo Doll, is that something in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? 

Yep, you're happy
The only negatives are that you should have your E ticket ready ("E" does not stand for "electronic" - SoCal natives will know what I am talking about) because there always seems to be a line outside, sometimes with several dozen people queueing up to get in. They even have a serpentine setup for their line just like the ones at the Magic Kingdom. Finally, the cashiers are never particularly friendly, not quite rude, but seemingly indifferent to customers. I presume that after their 700th customer of the day, they could get a bit cranky, but there is never an excuse for not treating customers with the utmost courtesy, friendliness, dignity and respect. They get a two BOMB deduction for the grouchy employees, otherwise, Voodoo Doughnuts would have gotten my PERFECT SCORE and a spot on CombatCritic's "WALL OF FAME".
So, march on down to a Voodoo Doughnut near you for an overload on your sensations' of sight, smell, and taste. The massive wall painting just across the street wraps this place up in a nutshell: "Keep Portland Weird". If you happen to go to the original location, tell 'em CombatCritic sent you ... HOOAH!
CombatCritic Gives The Original Voodoo Doughnuts 8 Bombs Out Of 10 ... More Bombs Are Better!
Eight Bombs Equates To:

Translation for Civilians: "What-The-Fuck ... Over!"

Oh, and keeping with the theme of this review ... BITE ME!

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Title: Portland, OR: Holy Cow! Does Voodoo Doll Have Something In His Pocket Or Is He Just Happy To See Me?

Key Words: Portland, Oregon, OR, Voodoo Doughnut, voodoo, doughnut, donut, Old Town, CombatCritic, TravelValue, travel, value, menu, product, business, review, Yelp, Zomato, Google, Facebook, shop

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