CombatCritic's TravelValue™: 2025

Sunday, December 28, 2025

Vancouver, WA: Operation Schnitzel: Gustav’s Remains a Trusted Rally Point

Gustav's

1705 SE 164th Avenue

Vancouver, WA 98683

Phone number: (360) 883-0222

Prices: $$$$

After redeploying from a few years abroad, we somehow always find ourselves maneuvering back to Gustav's--because in the AO of Portland-Vancouver, good, reasonably authentic German chow is harder to find than a clean porta-john in a warzone. Prices? Reasonable. Portions? Adequate firepower.

We hit the OBJ and, as usual, no wait. Immediate seating. No need for Close Air Support or a table reservation. The staff ran their mission tight--friendly, fast, and squared away.

The atmosphere? Straight out of a Bavarian forward operating base--warm, wood-heavy construction, stained glass, tall ceilings. Cozy, inviting, and well within German cultural ROE.

We kicked things off with the Fondue ($9)--a hot LZ of creamy cheese with German bread for dipping. Solid value. Good taste. Zero casualties.

My main op was the Hungarian Jägerschnitzel ($21)--breaded pork cutlet, mushroom sauce, mashed potatoes. Cutlet wasn't exactly a shock-and-awe portion, and it could've used more gravy for fire support, but overall, I was a happy camper.

My XO ordered the Chicken Cordon Bleu ($24) with spaetzle--breaded chicken stuffed with ham and Swiss cheese. Again, portions weren't the kind of heavy artillery you get in Munich, and there was no soup or salad backup, but she enjoyed every bite.

Not sure why this place keeps falling off our radar, but we'll maintain loyalty--because German restaurants in this theater of operations are few and far between, and Vancouver has exactly zero others as far as intel indicates.

CombatCritic Gives Gustav's Factory 8 Bombs Out of 10 ... More Bombs Are Better -- Unless You're On The Receiving End ... HOOAH

Eight Bombs Equates To:

Translation for Civilians: "What-The-Fuck ... Over!"

1.3+ MILLION VISITORS AND COUNTING ... HOOAH!

408,000 VISITORS IN THE PAST 12 MONTHS ... OOH-RAH!

Saturday, December 27, 2025

Portland, OR: Original Hotcake House — Blink and You’ll Miss It, But Your Stomach Won’t

Original Hotcake House

1002 SE Powell Blvd

Portland, OR 97202

(503) 236-7402

hotcakehousepdx.com

Prices: $$$$

You’d walk right past this joint if you weren’t looking for it—and you probably wouldn’t step inside unless Yelp put it on your radar. That’s exactly how I ended up here, killing time between appointments at the nearby VA Medical Center.

The drill is simple: read the board, order at the counter, pay up, grab a number, and find a seat. No ceremony, no nonsense. Your food shows up fast. Easy peazzy.

I went with the classic combat loadout: two eggs over-medium, bacon, crispy hash browns, and a biscuit with a side of country gravy… HOOAH!

Execution? Nailed it. Eggs cooked perfectly, bacon thick and meaty, hash browns plentiful and done right, and a massive biscuit drowning in gravy. Mission accomplished. I left full, satisfied, and oddly respected.

Now let’s be honest—the place could use a facelift. It looks like it’s been through a few campaigns. But clearly, whatever they’re doing works. Bonus points: open 24 hours, which already puts them ahead of half the competition.

The staff were friendly, efficient, and squared away. And all this for about $20? That’s a win in today’s battlefield economy.

CombatCritic Gives Original Hotcake House 8 Bombs Out Of 10 ... More Bombs Are Better ... Unless you’re on the receiving end ... HOOAH!

Eight Bombs Equates To:

Translation for Civilians: "What-The-Fuck ... Over!"

1.3+ MILLION VISITORS AND COUNTING ... HOOAH!

408,000 VISITORS IN THE PAST 12 MONTHS ... OOH-RAH!

Tuesday, November 11, 2025

Vancouver, WA: MREs With Marinara

The Old Spaghetti Factory

730 SE 160th Avenue

Vancouver, WA 98684

Phone number: (360) 253-9030

osf.com

Prices: $$$$

It's been decades since I last set foot in The Old Spaghetti Factory, and after this mission, I remember exactly why I went AWOL from the place. But in the Portland/Vancouver AO (Area of Operations), where decent Italian food is rarer than common sense in a staff meeting, our options are limited to chain chow halls like this one or Olive Garden--or we cook our own rations at home.

Veal Parmigiana? Fuggetaboutit. In Portland, the land of "progressive" cuisine and political correctness run amok, serving veal would probably trigger a protest faster than you can say Buon appetito.

I went with the Chicken Parmigiana ($22.99)--a breaded chicken breast buried under melted cheese and tomato sauce, served with Garlic Mizithra spaghetti. I called in two meatball reinforcements ($4.50), seasoned and sauced for backup. The chicken was scrawny and uninspired, but the meatballs were at least decent--nothing to write home about, but not an MRE either.

My wife ordered the Chicken Marsala ($22.99), supposedly "a seasoned breast of tender chicken with mushroom and Marsala wine sauce, served alongside spaghetti with Mizithra cheese and browned butter." Sounds good on paper. Problem was, the Marsala sauce apparently contained tomato--for reasons known only to the kitchen gods--so she had to substitute Alfredo sauce instead. Result: bland, uninspired, and about as exciting as KP duty.

Service was friendly enough, but slower than a Monday morning staff meeting. We were one of only three tables during a lifeless lunch shift, yet it still felt like waiting for a resupply convoy stuck in the desert.

When the dust settled, the damage was $75 plus tip for a couple of unimpressive entrees and a reminder of why I hadn't been here since the Clinton administration. Mediocre food, slow service, and inflated prices--this operation failed to meet mission objectives.