Olive Garden
16405 SE Mill Plain Blvd
Vancouver, WA 98683
Phone number: (360) 256-4051
Prices $$$$
We came for the all-you-can-eat soup, salad, and breadsticks — the Holy Trinity of corporate Italian cuisine — and yeah, they come free with a lunch special. The catch? Lunch specials are only Monday through Friday until 3pm. We showed up on a Saturday. Oops. Missed it by that much.
My wife ordered the Fettuccine Alfredo — $12.49 on the lunch menu, $17.49 for dinner. I went with the Chicken Parmigiana, which jumped from a manageable $13.49 at lunch to an eyebrow-raising $21.49. So when the bill came out to damn near $55, I nearly spit out my overpriced Diet Coke.
To his credit, the server offered to grab the manager and maybe knock the prices back down to lunch levels. But I declined. I missed the fine print. My bad. That’s called integrity, folks — look it up.
The salad? Fresh, sure. But whoever’s in the back manning the vinegar bottle went full Molotov cocktail. I like tang, but this was a salt-and-acid bomb. The Zuppa Toscana was watery, with a sausage-to-potato ratio so low it might’ve qualified as vegetarian. Not awful, just … meh. Breadsticks? Still the MVP — soft, salty, and piping hot.
The wife liked her Alfredo. My chicken parm and limp spaghetti? It was food. That’s about as glowing as I can get. But hey, it’s Olive Garden — it’s not like we walked in expecting Nonna to come out of the kitchen.
And for the love of God and every Italian who’s ever lived, how in the hell are there so few decent Italian restaurants in Portland? And don’t even get me started on the complete disappearance of veal. No veal marsala, veal parmigiana, or saltimbocca alla romana? What in the Fettuccine Alfredo is going on here folks? Somebody kill me a baby cow already — I need my veal fix, dammit!
CombatCritic Gives Olive Garden 5 Bombs Out Of 10 💣💣💣💣💣 More Bombs Are Better … Unless You’re On The Receiving End … HOOAH!
Five Bombs Equates To:
Translation for Civilians: "Continue Mission"
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Title: Vancouver, WA: No Veal, No Deal – Olive Garden Delivers Mediocrity with a Side of Sticker Shock
Key Words: Vancouver, WA, veal, pasta, breadsticks, Olive Garden, CombatCritic, TravelValue, travel, value, restaurant, menu, business, review, Yelp, Zomato, TripAdvisor, Google, Facebook
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