CombatCritic's TravelValue™: los

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Wednesday, June 6, 2018

Washougal, WA: No Bueno Compadres! ... Not Good Mate!

Los Dos Compadres

701 E Street

Washougal, WA 98671

Phone number (360) 335-1706

Website: They Do Not Have One

Prices: $$$$

I thought Mexican restaurants in the Midwest were bad ... until we moved to Portland, Oregon. I love Mexican food, but I would rather cook at home then eat the crap places like this put out.

I paid $20 plus tip ($24) for a dinner for one with NO DRINKS, only water, and all I had was a taco, enchilada, and chimichanga (it was actually a burrito) with refried beans and a small side of guacamole ($4.95). I like to have a margarita or a beer when I eat Mexican food, but I refuse to order drinks at restaurants that do not print drink prices on their menus. Soft drink prices were on the menu, but you have to guess how much the alcoholic drinks will be, meaning they are probably trying to gouge you.

The chips were store-bought, about the same quality as you can get at Safeway just down the street and the salsa likely out of a plastic tub. You apparently have to pay extra if you want more than one bowl of their mediocre chips. I asked if they had "hot" salsa, something every Mexican restaurant I have ever been to has, but was told "that's all we got". The guacamole was not bad and was well seasoned, but the serving was skimpy for $5.

The taco came on a pre-fab shell, a sure sign that you are eating at a substandard Mexican restaurant. If they do not even bother to fry their own taco shells, that tells you about their commitment to excellence and customer satisfaction. Tacos are one of America's favorite foods, so why would anybody eat at a place that uses Rosarita or Old El Paso taco shells? There was plenty of ground beef, but it was an odd red color and so greasy (see video below) that the crappy shell was falling apart shortly after arriving at my table. I had to eat the last half off of the plate with my fork.

The cheese and onion enchilada was the sole highlight of the meal, but that is not saying much. The supposed "chimichanga" that I ordered was actually a very small burrito, the smallest flour tortilla I have ever seen with shredded beef inside and two small dabs of guacamole on top. I asked the server if that was what they call a "chimichanga" and he said it was, telling me that it was supposed to be deep fried, a step they apparently had missed. Being so dismayed by my experience, I politely declined when he offered to have it remade.

The service was friendly and good with the food coming very fast and my water glass topped-up without delay. Unfortunately, the food sucked just like at their sister restaurant a few blocks east and the fork they gave me still had food on it from the last customer. It was not the worst Mexican restaurant I have ever been to, but it was close.

CombatCritic Gives Los Dos Compadres 3 Bombs Out Of 10 ... More Bombs Are Better!

Three Bombs Equates To:

Translation for Civilians: "Situation Normal, All Fucked Up"

Tuesday, April 3, 2018

Portland, OR: Find "The Fatties" On Davis If In Need Of A Taco Fix In The Pearl

Los Gorditos

922 NW Davis Street

Portland, OR 97209

Pearl District

Phone number (503) 805-5323

Website: losgorditospdx.com

Prices: $$$$

On the plus side, the food was decent with reasonable portions and fair prices, particularly for downtown. On the flip side, the employees were too busy talking to assist us or communicate succinctly, the salsa bar's contents were mostly frozen, I am talking "ice", and I got a huge piece of gristle in my carne asada taco.

The place was not what I expected with stainless steel, glass and modern black tables and chairs instead of the colorful Mexican decor you routinely find in a mom and pop cantina. You pick from "vegan", "vegetarian", or "meat" menus sitting in front of the grill area, ordering at the adjacent register where they give you a number to place on your table. There were only high-tops and one four-top table with two long "family-style" tables with seating for 12, so be prepared to interact with strangers if so inclined.

We ordered Chips and Salsa ($3.50), a side of Guacamole ($2), a Quesadilla with Chopped Carne Asada ala carte ($5), two Carne Asada Tacos (2 x $2 = $4), and an Enchilada Plate (carne asada, rice and beans - $10.50).

The chips were OK, neither fresh nor warm and the salsa very orange with a strange taste, not bad, but odd. The guacamole was pretty good, made with fresh avocados and chopped tomato, a nice portion and an excellent value at just $2.

The quesadilla was a decent size and tasty with plenty of cheese and carne asada. My tacos had plenty o' chopped carne asada, but one had a piece of gristle the size of my pinky inside, at least I hope it was gristle, still a bargain at $2 each. The enchiladas were also pretty good, but a tad on the dry side and the rice/beans OK, nothing special.

Gristle

For just $24, we ate well and I would recommend "The Fatties" (Los Gorditos) if in the Pearl District and in need of a quick Mexican fix. Do not expect anything lavish and alcohol is not an option, so if you want a sit down meal with all the trimmings ... go elsewhere. Just be careful when you bite into your taco.

If this place had servers, some beer and margaritas, a better and not-frozen salsa bar, a little better quality control with their meat (maybe the cooks could stop the chit-chat for a while), and some charm, they could have scored 8-9 Bombs. However, ...

CombatCritic Gives Los Gorditos 6 Bombs Out Of 10 ... More Bombs Are Better!

Six Bombs Equates To:

Translation for Civilians: "Good To Go"

Sunday, September 10, 2017

Washougal, WA: Trick Or Treat? High Prices, Low Quality, And Weak Drinks Were Not A Treat

Los Dos Compadres

701 E Street

Washougal, WA 98671

Phone number: (360) 335-1706
Website: None?
Prices: $$$$

Looks like most either love or hate this place, but I am in the middle, slightly skewed toward the low end. Too many people hand out 5-Stars like they are candy on Halloween, skewing averages and tricking serious foodies into eating at places we normally would not bother with. Trick or Treat? We felt tricked after our first and possibly last experience at Los Dos Compadres.

No prices on the alcoholic drink menu, a pet peeve (publish the damn prices for cryin' out loud!), but I ordered a margarita anyway. My bad because it was weak and turned out to be almost $9 ... ay caramba! Speaking of overpriced, $5 for a small guacamole a la carte and it was mostly onions and tomatoes? Not good. The full size guacamole appetizer is, like the margarita, nearly $9 ... holy sombrero Batman!

My Carne Asada y Mas ($15.95) was the same price as the "regular" carne asada dinner (and advertised as identical), but comes with an enchilada, chili relleno, or chimichanga. The cheese and onion enchilada I got was decent, middle of the road, and the steak tasty, but miniscule, maybe four to five ounces at most. The rice and beans were bland, nearly tasteless.

Now for the fun part. My wife, who hates Mexican food BTW, ordered the Three Taco dinner ($9.95), also coming with rice and beans. She had one shredded beef and two ground beef tacos, but when she attempted to eat them, all three fell apart before she could shove them in her pie hole. Taco salad anyone? The server graciously went to get three "fresh" tacos when we explained our dilemma, but these were dripping grease, already soggy, and falling apart nearly as fast as the first batch.

Watch this video for the full effect:

I am bummed. We just moved into our new house less than ten minutes away and my hopes were high based on previous reviews, but they were quickly dashed ... mierda!

CombatCritic Gives Los Dos Compadres 3 Bombs Out Of 10 With Deductions For ... High Prices, Poor Quality and Quality Control, Weak Margaritas, No Website - Really, No Website? ... More Bombs Are Better!

Three Bombs Equates To:

Read Reviews By CombatCritic:

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Read Chris S.'s review of Los Dos Compadres Cantina on Yelp

Title: Washougal, WA: Trick Or Treat? High Prices, Low Quality, And Weak Drinks Were Not A Treat

Key Words: Los Dos Compadres, los, dos, compadres, compadre, Washougal, Washington, Portland, Oregon, tacos, taco, CombatCritic, TravelValue, travel, value, restaurant, menu, review, Yelp, Zomato

Translation for Civilians: SNAFU = "Situation Normal, All Fucked Up"

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